brandmyass.lol
Live cheekRulesStandings
Tap either cheek
OW!

Top 6 get prime ink. 7–18 get micro tattoos. 19–36 meet the stapler. Everybody else stays in the cheek queue.

The world’s dumbest ad space

Slap your brand on it.

Pay for a place on the cheek. Bigger bid, better spot. Get outbid and your brand slides from prime ink toward the stapler.

Virgin cheek alert$5 to be first

New brands start at $5. Bid any amount for the rank it can buy. Taking #1 costs at least $5 more. Same URL later? You only pay the difference.

Current ownerUnclaimed
On-body spots0 / 36
Your previewYOUR BRAND
Paid to the cheek$0
Brands on the body0
Top bid$0
Cheek clicks0

Slap standings

One ranking. Every confirmed dollar counts. Equal bids keep their original order. The top 36 live on the body; everybody stays listed.

No brands have had the guts yet.$5 makes internet history. And probably a noise.
01 / BID

Buy the rank

Your cumulative confirmed spend is your rank. No secret algorithm. More money gets the better cheek.

02 / MARK

Ink, staple, queue

Ranks 1–6 get prime tattoos, 7–18 micro ink, and 19–36 stapled notes. Lower ranks stay visible in the queue and full standings.

03 / DEFEND

Slap back harder

Use the same canonical URL to raise your total. Checkout charges only the difference. Every confirmed payment triggers a fresh slap.

Inspired by outbid.lol by Jonathan Wilke (@jonathan_wilke). He had the idea first. We just added a butt. Go bid there too.

A billboard where the price is public

Brand My Ass sells ranked advertising placements on a cartoon backside. Rank is not negotiated and it is not sold by a salesperson. It is decided by one number: how much has been paid for that spot in total. Everybody can see it, and anybody can beat it.

How the bidding works

  1. 01Pick your spotEvery placement is ranked by how much has been paid for it in total. Rank 1 sits highest on the cheek and gets the biggest tattoo.
  2. 02Bid at least 5 USDThe minimum is 5 USD. To take a spot from somebody you pay 5 USD more than they did. Equal totals keep the earlier bid in front.
  3. 03Defend itNothing expires. You hold your rank until somebody pays more, and topping up only costs the difference to your new total.

The rules, in full

See the live leaderboardWhat a placement costs

Questions people actually ask

What is Brand My Ass?
A paid advertising experiment. Brands buy a ranked placement on a cartoon backside, and the ranking is decided purely by how much has been paid for that spot in total. It is a billboard where the price of the space is public and anybody can outbid you.
How much does a placement cost?
Bidding starts at 5 USD. To take a ranked spot from an existing brand you pay 5 USD more than their total. There is a cap of 999,999 USD, which nobody has come close to.
What happens if somebody outbids me?
You move down the ranking, and your tattoo gets smaller. You are not removed and you are not refunded. Paying the difference to a higher total puts you back up.
How long does a placement last?
There is no expiry. A placement stays until somebody pays more for that rank. In practice you keep the spot for as long as you are the highest total on it.
Is the traffic real?
Clicks on every placement are counted and shown publicly next to the brand, so you can see what a spot actually delivers before you bid on it.
Why is it 18+?
The artwork is a cartoon backside. There is no explicit content, but it is comedic nudity and the age gate keeps it away from anybody who has not chosen to see it.
Who runs this?
It is an independent side project. The bidding mechanic is a reimplementation of outbid.lol by Jonathan Wilke, credited on the site and in the footer.